The book examines lots of bizarre beliefs, which were (or are) often held by otherwise respectable and credible people. Note that this book is not really about conspiracy theories, it’s more about pseudo-scientific beliefs. The author celebrates this oddness and insists we each have a bit of that, even the most rational of us. He’s writing from the perspective of a sceptic who is nonetheless fascinated by it all and that some things remain unexplained. It’s also quite funny at times and an easy read. The chapters have irresistible titles such as: ‘The Exorcism of Ringo Starr’, ‘Should Office Plants be Investigating Murder Cases?’, ‘Are We Only Here Because of an Alien Picnic Gone Wrong?’, ‘Are Authors Stealing their Ideas from the Future?’ and, er, ‘Where Have All the Pubic Lice Gone?’ I can’t decide which chapter was the most bizarre. Possibly ‘Will We Ever Speak Dolphinese?’ which manages to be frightening, unsavoury and hilarious all at once.

A recommended read!

Published in 2022.

I’ve always liked pylons so I particularly enjoyed the first chapter, ‘In Worship of the Hum’. ‘Concrete Castles’ looks at eerie multi-storey car parks, ‘Theatre of Fate’ is about hospital architecture and ‘Demons in the Present’ focuses on paranormal activity on modern housing estates. I wasn’t so keen on ‘Memory Motorways’, although it did reference The Shining and The Way Inn when discussing chain hotels. Not being a car user and very rarely experiencing motorways, I couldn’t relate to the journey the author took in this longer chapter.

The anecdotes and weird photos were the best aspects of the book. I found that the writing style tended to veer into theorising, which didn’t really tell us much. I wanted even more travel descriptions and less waffle. I liked the folk song or poem at the end of each chapter, which references the contents of that chapter. The message I took from this book is that there isn’t a sharp divide between modern times and historic eras; mythology and magic can be found anywhere. It also told us that the typical image of Britain is not a quaint chocolate-box village, but a post-industrial town dominated by flyovers, roundabouts and other necessary evils which, if you look at them in a different way, reveal their importance to the human imagination.

First published in 2020.

This time, I’ve gathered some quotes from books on courtship, etiquette and ‘marital health’ which I found on the Project Gutenberg website. Amongst the dangerous medical practices and the praise for eugenics which can be found in books on this subject from more than a century ago, I found some rather harsh advice for conducting one’s romances. [Note: I cannot be held responsible if you follow these and wreck your relationship]

No age gap

“The woman who risks her happiness with a man many years younger than herself, violates a precept of life; and when her husband grows indifferent, or taunts her with her years, or seeks companions of more suitable age, she is reaping a harvest sown by her own hand.” – The Physical Life of Woman: Advice to the Maiden, Wife and Mother, by Dr George H. Napheys (1889).

Hands off

“Kissing, Fondling, and Caressing Between Lovers.—This should never be tolerated under any circumstances, unless there is an engagement to justify it, and then only in a sensible and limited way. The girl who allows a young man the privilege of kissing her or putting his arms around her waist before engagement will at once fall in the estimation of the man she has thus gratified and desired to please.” – Searchlights on Health, by B G Jefferis and J L Nichols (1894).

GSOH not important

“Don’t marry a clown. A silly fellow that jokes on every subject never did amount to anything, and never will. All he says may be very funny, very; but how many times can he be funny? Fun will grow stale and threadbare; one cannot live by it.” – Don’t Marry or, Advice on How, When and Who to Marry, by James W Donovan (1890).

Stay sober

“Our advice to the woman who is asked to drink liquor when in the company of a man outside of her immediate family circle is emphatically this: DON’T DO IT!” – Private Sex Advice to Women, by R B Armitage (1917).

No second chances

“As a rake is most conversant with the dissolute and abandoned of both sexes, he doubtless forms his opinion of others by the standard to which he has been accustomed, and therefore supposes all women of the same description. Having been hackneyed in the arts of the baser sort, he cannot form an idea, that any are in reality superior to them. This renders him habitually jealous, peevish and tyrannical. Even if his vicious inclinations be changed, his having passed his best days in vice and folly, renders him a very unsuitable companion for a person of delicacy and refinement.” – The Boarding School: Lessons of a Preceptress to Her Pupils, by A Lady of Massachusetts (1829).

Keep it clean

“I do not say, that there are not men enough, even in England, to live peaceably and even contentedly, with dirty, sluttish women; for, there are some who seem to like the filth well enough. But what I contend for is this: that there never can exist, for any length of time, ardent affection in any man towards a woman who is filthy either in her person, or in her house affairs. Men may be careless as to their own persons; they may, from the nature of their business, or from their want of time to adhere to neatness in dress, be slovenly in their own dress and habits; but, they do not relish this in their wives, who must still have charms; and charms and filth do not go together. – Advice to Young Men, by William Cobbett (1829).

‘No’ means ‘Yes’

“The number of modes in which a woman can say ‘Yes’ has not, up to the present, be accurately enumerated; but perhaps the one most frequently in use is the negative imperative. And / Many are the men who have puzzled long and painfully over the motives of a woman’s ‘No.’ Yet in nine cases out of ten a woman says ‘No’ merely because she feels herself on the brink of saying ‘Yes’. In other words, / It is often mistrust of herself that leads many a woman to refuse it will the lips the consent that is fluttering at her heart. Perhaps that is why / With woman ‘Yea’ and ‘Nay’ are meaningless and interchangeable terms.” Hints for Lovers, by Arnold Haultain (1909).

Put a ring on it

“No matter how much you care for a man, give him up if, after a certain length of time, he says nothing to you about marriage. You will lose nothing in the end by doing so, and may gain him. If he really cares for you, the danger of losing you will make him more anxious to possess you.” – How to Get Married, Although a Woman or, The Art of Pleasing Men, by A Young Widow (1892).

We’re living in Orwell’s Nineteen Eighty-Four.

What is Truth? We can’t be sure.

Censorship, fake news, watched all the time.

Newspeak, Big Brother, Room 101, Thoughtcrime.

We’re living in Huxley’s Brave New World.

In every glass bottle, a foetus is curled.

Drugs and entertainment to control each clone.

Denounced for reading and thinking alone.

We’re living in Atwood’s Handmaid’s Tale.

Power reserved for the wealthy white male.

Segregation and religion are tools of oppression.

Austerity, piety, hypocrisy, aggression.

We’re living in Orwell’s Nineteen Eighty-Four.

I don’t know what to believe any more.

• Social attitudes have changed in a relatively short period of time. Things which seemed acceptable in particular shows when they were first aired are now evidence that a change has taken place. These shows are ‘products of their time’. Viewers can still watch and appreciate them while being aware of the social context and political climate in which they were created.
• Denying viewers access to these shows is effectively banning them. Telling people what they can and can’t watch is patronising and only serves to make them angry and frustrated. The bosses of the streaming platforms and TV channels (and ultimately the complainants who are demanding the removal of the shows) are not crediting the general public with the intelligence to make their own choices and to think for themselves. Perhaps the consequence will be that these ‘banned’ shows become more desirable just because they are what we ‘shouldn’t’ be watching.
• Almost every film and TV show from the past is sure to contain elements which by today’s enlightened standards would be considered offensive in some respect. Taken to its logical conclusion, all cinematic and television history will be consigned to the bin. Why not stop there? Add books to the pile and set it alight. It doesn’t seem to matter what the author was trying to say, or whether the attitudes were a criticism or satire of offensive comedy in itself. A horrifyingly broad-brush approach.
• If anyone thinks that removing well-known films and TV shows is going to combat racism, they must be very naive. We could remove everything vaguely old from the streaming platforms and there would still be racism. There seems to be an assumption that watching something which includes ‘culturally outdated depictions’ will encourage people to adopt offensive views. Again, this is patronising and suggests that viewers are too stupid to make their own decisions. Having a debate around these depictions is a good idea and for younger viewers it would be useful to have some context which discusses the social attitudes which are increasingly further from those they have grown up with. Denying access is not the way forward.

The point on a pencil breaks. I sharpen it. Then it breaks again. I sharpen it. Guess what? It breaks again. Maybe it’s a dodgy pencil, or maybe there’s something wrong with my sharpening technique.

A shop assistant hands over the change with the coins resting on the note and all of it resting on the receipt. Cue the dropping of coins while trying to get everything into one’s purse, while other people are waiting to be served.

Typos are everywhere. Even on my blog, I daresay. I see them on the BBC website, in nearly all of the books I read, in the subtitles of films. I try to ignore them but I’m just one of those people who pick up on details.

Notification sounds on smartphones. Little beeps, chirps, chimes, whatever – they are all annoying and surely most of the time are telling the users something extremely important such as a ‘like’ on Facebook.

Letters are sent to your house, addressed to someone who hasn’t lived there for a long time. Cross the address out, write on the envelope that the person doesn’t live here, write ‘return to sender’… and the letters continue to arrive.

Shoppers at the supermarket pick up a bunch of bananas, pull one banana off it, then leave it behind. All these rejected single bananas had better be going to good homes.

Cyclists on the pavement. Now, this is actually illegal in the UK (so not such a negligible problem) but I doubt anyone is ever prosecuted over it. What’s worse is when cyclists – usually teenagers – don’t even stop to let pedestrians go past.

An empty toilet roll in the holder, with a toilet roll balanced on top or left on the cistern, as if it’s beneath anyone to spend a couple of seconds changing it. This doesn’t happen at my house, however.

Do you find these little problems annoying? Anything to add to the list? If you’re interested to know what else annoys me, you might like this post.

Image of a grumpy cat by Manfred Richter on Pixabay.

when the sun is still in bed.

I’ll spend the whole day yawning

with a fuzzy aching head.

Outside it’s cold and dark and wet,

not tempting in the slightest.

I haven’t properly woken up yet,

my thoughts are not the brightest.

I could do with a little more sunshine

to put my mind in gear,

or else I’ll be shuffling like a zombie

every morning until Spring next year.

It seems that clowns are often portrayed negatively in popular culture. I can think of many more examples of sinister clowns than harmless ones. Maybe the fear of clowns (coulrophobia) has increased because of these associations. I don’t think I’ve ever seen a clown for real (or if I have, I don’t remember) so my experience of clowns is through their presence in films, TV, books and music. Immediately I think of a scary figure with a smile like a knife slash, deathly white makeup and murderous intent. So what is it about the clown that terrifies adults and children alike?

• Clowns’ human identities are hidden beneath exaggerated costumes and makeup.
• A blood-red, extended mouth like a crocodile’s – a fake and dangerous smile.
• The old-fashioned association with circuses, and by extension the power of the ringmaster with his whip.
• They are supposed to be amusing, their antics thrust into our faces as ‘funny’, which has the opposite effect.
• Their status as official pranksters means they can risk getting away with things.
• Trying to gain children’s trust is now a suspicious thing for a stranger to do.
• Clowns might single a person out from the crowd for humiliation disguised as fun.

All this is of course rather bad for actual clowns today, as so many people are scared of them. I imagine the clowning business is not so lucrative as it used to be. Interestingly the ‘clown’ in Shakespeare’s plays was not a silly person in floppy shoes who ran around throwing custard pies. Rather, the clown might pretend to be dim but really he had the worldly wisdom to see things clearly.

The great news for those with coulrophobia is that clowns are not very prevalent in society so the chances of encountering them frequently are not high. You’re unlikely to find them in your house, whereas sufferers of (for example) arachnophobia have it worse.

Anyone out there not scared of clowns? Let me know.

Variety of information sources. Before Wikipedia became popular and the first website on your search results, it was more interesting to see what would turn up in your preferred search engine (which wasn’t necessarily Google). It’s hard to imagine it now that Wikipedia is our go-to for initial research into pretty much any topic. There were a lot of reference sites maintained by dedicated individuals, often with expertise in their fields. These still exist now, of course, but are not as visible in search results.

Free music. Downloading MP3 files for free is not a cool thing to do because of copyright law and loss of royalties. However, back then, it wasn’t thought of in this way by a lot of internet users. Plus, most people still used CD Walkmans and not portable MP3 players, so the files were only useful if you played them on your computer or burned them to disc. The greatest benefit of free music was that you could get hold of b-sides and other rarities which would otherwise be very difficult and expensive to source.

Personal websites. There were millions of amateur-looking webpages hosted with companies such as GeoCities and Angelfire. Today they would seem very basic, with horrible colour schemes, frames and no real purpose other than the excitement of having one’s own little corner of the internet. In a way, they were a forerunner of social media with their life updates and holiday photos. Some of them were more sophisticated. You could find some gems by clicking through ‘web rings’ or by following random links.

Guest books. It sounds rather old-fashioned and polite now, but a lot of websites would have a ‘guest book’ for visitors to sign. Basically it was a comments section but usually not interactive. It was a nice way to let the owner know that you’d visited their site. Websites now tend not to have guest books, because there is either a comments facility or another way to give feedback on the content. Before the rise of social media, there were fewer methods of getting in touch with the writers or owners of websites.

The internet wasn’t everywhere. It’s only quite recently that technology has improved enough for us to access the internet instantly on various portable devices. This is often a good thing but it does have disadvantages such as smartphone addiction and less time spent on physical activities. You’d access the internet when time and technology allowed and it wasn’t necessarily something you’d be on all day, especially if the phone line was needed or you were sharing the computer with other people.

Was there anything you liked about early 2000s internet? Let me know in the comments!

Copycat books: Now, this might not be a new thing. Maybe authors and book designers have copied others for a hundred years, but I’ve only recently noticed how similar everything looks on the bookshelves. It seems that whenever a book is very successful, loads more copycat books are quickly published. I find this exasperating because I don’t want to pick up a book which has a similar title and/or cover to several others as it feels like I must’ve read it before. I know it’s a marketing shortcut for the publishers but it’s a trick that doesn’t work on me.

‘Skinny’ things: I think it’s damaging to label items of clothing as skinny. Also I really dislike the word itself. Despite the body positivity movement, society is still obsessed with being thin and the fashions tend to celebrate this. It makes you feel bad about yourself if you can’t squeeze into a pair of ‘skinny’ jeans or if you don’t choose the ‘skinny’ drink option at a café. Trousers in high street shops are now available in a more varied range of styles than a couple of years ago but the really tight ones are still dominating the population’s legs.

Cardigans without buttons: Sometimes called ‘edge to edge’ cardigans, these garments are useless if you’re in the cold or wind because there are no fastenings on them. This is probably cost-cutting posing as fashion. Several years ago, long cardigans with proper buttons were in fashion. They were warm, practical and stylish. Now, there are only short, thin cardigans with tiny buttons that I struggle to fasten, or long cardigans without any buttons. And no, I can’t just sew them on, because I’m rubbish at sewing.

Extreme tattoos: Tattoos are mainstream now and are more popular than ever. This appears to push some people to further stand out from the (inked) crowd. The most recent trend to hit the headlines is eyeball tattoos. Gross and potentially dangerous. There’s also a trend for extensive ‘blackout’, in which large areas of the body are completely inked black. There’s nothing wrong with creating your own look and showing your individuality but I wonder if some people are going extreme just for the shock value.

Salted caramel: We’re told to cut down on salt. Therefore, salted caramel becomes flavour of the decade. Ordinary caramel wasn’t good enough. The combination of sweet and salt flavours is irresistible to most human palates. Along with sweet chilli, coconut and peanut butter, this flavour dominates our snacks. It wasn’t always this way. I reckon that salted caramel will be the default soon, so that it will just be called caramel.

Do you agree with me? Have I dissed all your favourite things? If you’re a wearer of skinny jeans and buttonless cardigans, with purple eyeballs, an obsession with salted caramel and like all of your books to look and sound the same… Then I hope you enjoyed this blog post