N S Ford

Tag: transport

  • Review of ‘Flight of Your Life: Confessions of a 1970s Air Hostess’ by Natasha J Rosewood

    Being an air hostess in the 70s was glamorous, right? Wrong! The author worked for a no-frills company on short-haul flights out of Gatwick and presents this hair-raising collection of experiences, based on real events but with a little artistic licence. She describes how she and her colleagues dealt with bomb scares, inebriated passengers, mile-high shenanigans, overflowing ashtrays, coffins, male officers who won’t take no for an answer, very long working hours, and more. As she was proficient at languages, she was always in demand and eventually burned out, when an amazing holiday, a romance and the ambition to work long-haul flights made things look rosier. This is a good read, although I felt that there could have been 70s-specific details. There was even a mention of the film Airplane!, which wasn’t released until 1980. The strangest thing about this book is that in one paragraph, she notes that she’d had scary experiences relating to UFOs and that it’s her favourite topic. Yet this was never mentioned again. Perhaps the author was saving the material for another book.

    Independently published in 2022.

    Book cover shows cartoon of a plane with an air hostess hanging on.

  • Review of ‘The Great Railway Bazaar’ by Paul Theroux

    The title should have been The Great Railway Bore. But I’m getting ahead of myself here. In fairness, this book was first published in 1975 and was probably edgy for a travel narrative at the time. I did like the first half or so, but it rapidly went ‘off the rails’ as the author became increasingly depressed and irritable, which anyone would do if they spent 4 months on a variety of railways with little sightseeing.

    Each of the 30 chapters covers a rail journey (sometimes including boat or plane where necessary). Some examples are: ‘The Mandalay Express’, ‘The Saigon-Bien Hoa Passenger Train’, ‘The Delhi Mail from Jaipur’, ‘The Khyber Pass Local’. There’s a map which shows the epic route taken, down through France, Italy, Yugoslavia, Turkey, Iran, Afghanistan (that was by bus, in the absence of railways), to Pakistan, India, Ceylon, Burma and Vietnam, before heading home via Japan, the Soviet Union and Eastern Europe.

    I think the most notable thing about this book is that the author voluntarily travelled around Vietnam during the war. Women actually tried to give him the half-American babies which resulted from the forces being stationed there and he marvels at seeing blonde blue-eyed Vietnamese children.

    The content of the book is mostly gritty and sordid. Poverty, sewage, corruption everywhere. In Asia, he is constantly offered girls, or men are talking about girls, or about girls they drunkenly slept with who turned out to be boys. There is very much a male gaze, which makes uncomfortable reading. The author seems to divide women into two categories, ‘fat’ or ‘pretty’. In a way that would be unfashionable now, he casually describes racial features. He also has an aversion to Australians, Afghans, Germans… come to think of it, he doesn’t like anyone that much.

    It’s definitely a book to make you glad you stayed at home.

    This edition published by Penguin, no date.

  • Steam engines and sliding doors: trains in books, music and film

    I like trains. I used to travel by train several times a week. I even lived right next to a railway line. There’s something romantic about trains, which I just don’t feel about other forms of transport. Here are some of my favourite books, films, TV programmes and songs featuring trains.

    Books:

    • The Railway Children by Edith Nesbit is about three children who move from their comfortable house to the countryside when their father is wrongly imprisoned. The railway becomes an important part of their lives. The book was adapted into a wonderful film.
    • Raising Steam by Terry Pratchett is a Discworld novel which sees Moist von Lipwig – who has already reluctantly reorganised the Mint and the Post Office of Ankh-Morpork – taking on the railway. I have only read it once but I plan to re-read.
    • The Harry Potter books by J K Rowling have some important scenes set on the Hogwarts Express, the old-fashioned steam train which takes students from London to Scotland. It’s interesting that the train, a Muggle invention, was appropriated by the wizarding world. West Coast Railways supplied the train for the films.
    • The Railhead trilogy by Philip Reeve is set in the far future, when sentient trains cross the galaxy, with stations on every planet. Even though the trains are so advanced and are beings with their own personalities, there is still a romance to the railway.

    Songs:

    • Trans Europe Express by Kraftwerk is an album which explores European travel, most notably the title song which celebrates the rail service which linked several countries. You can see the group enjoying a train journey in the music video.
    • ‘Shunt’ by Recoil, which closes the album Unsound Methods, begins slow and menacing, evoking a train beginning its journey, perhaps through a post-apocalyptic wasteland. Then the pace speeds up until it sounds like the train is going so fast it might be out of control. The lyrics: ‘There’s blood on the line.’
    • ‘Blue Piccadilly’ by The Feeling, from the album 12 Stops and Home, is a break-up song which refers to the Piccadilly tube line. The image on the album cover is a little bit like a ride on the Underground, but with house keys and a soft-boiled egg.
    • ‘Steam’ by Peter Gabriel is not exactly about trains but the video is absolutely mad and includes a steam train with Peter’s face on it (screenshot below). Although, if he really was a steam train, he wouldn’t be singing ‘give me steam’ – he’d be singing ‘give me water’. But then it wouldn’t rhyme with ‘dream’.

    Film/TV:

    • ‘Mummy on the Orient Express’ is episode 8 of series 8 of Doctor Who. On the Orient Express – in space – a mummy appears only to its victims, who have 66 seconds to live. My favourite Doctor (Peter Capaldi) along with Clara (Jenna Coleman) and chief engineer Perkins (Frank Skinner) have to solve the mystery.
    • In the ‘Bambi’ episode of The Young Ones, Vyvyan, Rik, Mike and Neil use good old British Rail to travel to their appearance on University Challenge. We find out why you shouldn’t stick your head out of the window of a moving train. The train is also held up by Mexican bandits.
    • Chigley – from the creator of Camberwick Green and Trumpton, Gordon Murray – includes this song: ‘Time flies by when I’m the driver of a train / And I ride on the footplate there and back again / Under bridges over bridges to our destination / Puffing through the countryside there’s so much to be seen.’
    • Sliding Doors is an unusual rom-com in which a split-second difference – which leads to Gwyneth Paltrow’s character missing the tube in one timeline, and catching it in the other – gives us two parallel universes. I really like the film and have seen it at least three times.

    Do you have any favourite train-based media? Do you like trains? Let me know!

  • Pumpkins, portkeys and polar bears: Fictional transport again

    Question: what’s the best way to travel? Answer: with a bit of literary magic. Here are 5 more types of fictional transport…

    Great Glass Elevator: Dahl’s sequel to Charlie and the Chocolate Factory sees the Bucket family travelling with Willy Wonka into outer space in an extraordinary glass elevator. It’s a bit like the Tardis but not quite as good. At least it’s strong enough to protect the travellers from the Vermicious Knids (stretchy aliens who snack on astronauts).

    Sky ships: Elegant wooden ships sail through the sky in Stewart & Riddell’s Edge Chronicles. The ships are kept in the air by means of buoyant flight-rocks. So much nicer than aeroplanes. Sky ships are the main mode of transport in the Edge world, because there are too many dangers on the ground.

    Portkey: In the Harry Potter universe, not everyone can Disapparate (teleport oneself between locations). The closest thing to that is an object magically turned into a Portkey. You only have to touch the object and hold on tightly. For example, this is how Harry and the Weasleys go to the Quidditch World Cup. It’s a good idea that can also be used for malicious purposes, however.

    Pumpkin coach: Fairytales are full of wonderful transport methods – dragons, flying carpets, witches’ brooms, houses that walk – but for some reason the coach from Cinderella always caught my imagination. Just for one night, an ordinary pumpkin is transformed into a coach, just as an ordinary girl is transformed into a potential princess.

    Armoured polar bear: In Philip Pullman’s Northern Lights, courageous Lyra makes friends with Iorek, a huge talking polar bear who doesn’t mind her sitting on his back as he leaps through the snow. I think the advantage of this transport method is that no one will have the courage to attack you, except for other armoured bears. Otherwise I think it could be a little uncomfortable.

  • Spaceship, sieve, peach? – Fictional transport

    If you’re going on holiday this summer, how are you travelling to your destination? Probably not by one of these transport methods, unless you’re a character in a book…

    Floo Powder: The Harry Potter world has so many wonderful kinds of transport. One of the most original, in my opinion, is Floo Powder. It’s a way of travelling between fireplaces on the network. However, if you mispronounce your destination you could end up anywhere (as Harry discovers when he first tries it). I would assume the name is inspired by chimney flues.

    Sentient train: Philip Reeve’s amazing Railhead trilogy is set in a future where you can travel across the universe on hyperspace trains. It’s the Network Empire. The trains are a form of Artificial Intelligence. I love this concept and it doesn’t seem too far-fetched. The railway still has a romance attached to it, even though the age of steam is behind us.

    Giant peach: What better way to cross from Britain to the Big Apple than in an airborne fruit of the Prunus persica tree? No need to bring food with you, it’s all included, assuming you like peaches. I did wonder why Roald Dahl decided to send James and his insect friends travelling in this particular fruit. Why not a lemon or a pineapple? Turns out it was almost a cherry.

    The Heart of Gold: This cutting-edge spaceship, equipped with an Infinite Improbability Drive, is stolen by President Zaphod Beeblebrox in The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy. Luckily, the ship picks up stranded hitchhikers Arthur and Ford. I would rather travel on this one than risk being forcibly read terrible poetry on the Vogons’ ship.

    A sieve: ‘They went to sea in a sieve, they did / In a sieve they went to sea.’ Edward Lear’s poem ‘The Jumblies’ is about some green-headed, blue-handed people who defy the haters and go to sea… in a sieve. It works out well because they visit all kinds of interesting places and buy some interesting stuff, before returning in 20 years’ time.