I’m having a party! Not a real one, obviously. Fictional characters only. The venue is Doctor Who’s TARDIS (it’s bigger on the inside), so the guests can be picked up from anywhere in time and space.
Here’s who I’ve invited:
The Last Man, because he could do with cheering up.
Elmer the Patchwork Elephant and his bright colours will bring a good vibe.
Mr Bean is lonely and would appreciate being invited, despite his social awkwardness.
Fred and George Weasley will no doubt play amusing pranks on the other guests.
Matilda will enjoy discussing books and giving recommendations.
Jo March, who is lively, book-obsessed and is sure to get on well with Matilda.
Bertie Wooster likes to sing, dance and drink when the company is amiable.
Merry and Pippin, because hobbits know how to party.
Number Six will wonder if he has really escaped the Village.
Mrs Coulter and her golden monkey daemon will add a touch of glamour to the occasion.
Nurse Ratched, mainly because I want to see how she gets on with Mrs Coulter.
Mr Bingley is cheerful and courteous, guaranteed to dance with all the ladies.
The Mad Hatter is constantly partying and is certainly not dull.
Beth Harmon would be OK, providing that there’s a chess set for her.
Wolverine brings moodiness, muscles and his famous retractable claws.
Mary Poppins will have fun at the party and then pretend it never happened.
Uhtred Ragnarsson likes to carouse and banter.
Othello and Desdemona, so they can enjoy some time together away from Iago.
Rosemary Woodhouse, who needs a break from looking after the baby.
Anne Shirley would chat enthusiastically to anyone and make them feel at ease.
Entertainment provided by Pennywise the Clown, Maleficent and the magical Mister Mistoffelees.
Music provided by Daisy Jones & the Six. In the event of the band not showing up, the back-up act is the Trumpton Fire Brigade brass band.
Security services provided by RoboCop. He won’t let gatecrashers in. He also won’t let anyone in who is wanted by Detroit police.
Catering by Vianne Rocher and Cut-Me-Own-Throat Dibbler, so there is something for everyone and no one. Bartending by Guinan, who will mix perfect drinks and give you words of wisdom.
Cloakroom service by Jeeves, who is only there to keep an eye on Wooster.